Alec Huang’s Accordion Girl essay

There was a poor and sad girl named Annie that went though life by playing the accordian to collect money in calafornia. One day a nice couple hired her to play in their house, they gave her food, drinks and a nice fluffy bed. She practiced a long time to master a very hard song so beautiful and smooth.

2 months past, a earthquake hit calafornia. Annie left the accordian in the house to save the old couple. She wanted to save her accordian from being smashed, but she didn’t want to let the old couple die like her birth parents. They escape freely, but she couldn’t play the accordian. The nice couple said nicely “Thack you for saving us” They tried to buy an accordian, but they didn’t have enough money to buy one. They went to their friend Alison’s house to live.

They lived there 1 years, but never talked about wanting an accordian, because they’ll make fun of Annie. 1 day she exclaimed “I want a accordian.” Alison screamed “Stop screaming” Annie began to cry and sobbed “Can you plase buy me one accordian?” Alison beathed and answered “O.K., but don’t break it.”

The next day, they shopped for a cheap accordian, so they brought a cheap one and lived as fantacic as possible.

Comments: Alec still needs to work on some “mechanical” issues such as grammar and proofreading–and sometimes spelling. Many problems could be solved by proofreading.

Despite these drawbacks, though, Alec has written a story with many creative touches. I particularly like “the nice couple said nicely” and the wonderful ending about how they “lived as fantacic as possible.” Thrifty parents will no doubt also be proud that “they shopped for a cheap accordian”!! It’s a nice touch, too, that under pressure, Alison collects herself: she “beathed and answered.” Grammar can be fixed by a child paying attention. Imagination, though, cannot be taught. Alec has what is most important.